And I’m stressing about which quilt to make next. People are losing their jobs and their homes. And now I’m tired out and teary.Įven as I write this, it feels kind of silly. My poor brain has been in overdrive trying to figure out this impossible, elusive ‘best thing’, and I’ve responded to it by trying to do everything. Like if I don’t do it right, and have it all figured out, the world might fall apart.
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Instead of a ton of adrenaline brought on by a new scary thing, and an onslaught of massive decisions, there’s just the niggling stress of how to make the most of my day. My brain was a fog and I spent any headspace I did have scouring the news and figuring out the best way to get my groceries with deliveries halted and shop shelves empty. Recently I’ve run out of things ready to go, and I’ve been starting a whole lot of something new.Īt the start of this Pandemic, I didn’t have any new ideas. So it usually gets put back in the tub and on the shelf, and I grab something else ready to go, or start something new. I’m either focused on the kids or brain-dead. As soon as a decision needs to be made, homeschool and evenings are the wrong time for it. And this works really well for me if the next step is pretty mindless and certain, eg, if the shapes are basted and ready to just sit and stitch, or the colours are chosen, and I can cut out and baste. I usually work on my quilts during homeschool in the mornings, and in the evening in front of the TV. I keep all my Works in Progress in tubs, which I store on shelves in my workroom. There’s so much uncertainty, that even though my plans usually change in a normal world anyway, my head is going round in circles, thinking about what I want to work on, how long it’ll take to finish, if I have the energy, if it’s the best use of time. I write lists, I make plans, I shuffle the plans as new information reveals itself, and it generally works out ok.īut this level of creative chaos has felt completely untenable during a global pandemic. And sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the things I’ve started, and I stress about when I’m going to try and finish things in order to spread out any new patterns, but this is the normal low-grade noise going on in my head while the rest of my life is kind of stable. I get stuck with an idea I thought would be a winner, and need to drop it for a while. I move between projects, I come up with new ideas and abandon others.
I’m a chaotic creative at the best of times. The place I’m feeling this most is in my work. All the usual stable things that are happily ignored are becoming shaky, crying for attention. It’s a really difficult time to make plans.
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